Tony's House

Persistence

This blog, is mainly just about a few events involving me and Mr Mitchel for today Friday the 1^st of August 2008, and it is something I really must and should remember because it is a great defining line on who I am in my life which I am constantly searching for myself whilst living in it.

Earlier today I was kicking a soccer ball with a few mates, playing a juggling game, I went to get the ball after someone kicked it accidentally away, and I ran past Mr. Mitchell quickly to retrieve it to give me a smile for my eagerness). – it made me think of the time I went around picking up papers for him and was ever eager to impress him with my “paper picking up skills” lol =D

But that of course, is not as relevant as what I am to go on to reveal.

I had Mr Mitchell today being Friday period 6 for English class.

It seems quite relevant to post as my third blog in the series of rather deep writing I have created for one reason in particular.

Because it is someone highlighting a great skill I have.

-          For a while I’ve been sitting to myself, just thinking “what is it that I’m good at?”

-          There are several things I can do to a decent standard, however there does not seem to be a skill which I possess where I outdo all others

But at about 3:00PM today, all that was revealed to me with one short and sweet conversation with Mr Mitchell, who had brought me up to the front of the class for a little chat about English work.

“Ah Anthony my boy, always ever eager Anthony. Lets talk, what have you found in your study of these two pieces of writing?

(I of course, walk right up to his desk, pull out a chair and sit with him and two pieces of work pulled out in front of us).

“Would you be able to compare these two pieces of work, can you tell the difference between them?”

-          I stay quiet, not entirely sure where to start from other than mine is utterly crap and Mola’s is the finest piece of work I’ve ever seen.

“Anthony, I’m not trying to be critical on you, but you know what?”

I look up at Mr Mitchell expectantly wondering what he will say next

“You know what you have Anthony that these others do not? - You have persistence. And w that all these other smarter kids will eventually just fade out. But you, you will eventually outgrow all of these people because you persist. It might not happen now, but because of the way you are, it will eventually happen.”

- At this point in time, I am just so astonished Mr Mitchell could think so highly and say such great things about myself.

You know I was never a smart boy when I was a lad, I never was smart…”

After he said this about myself, I took a good look around the room, and realised that although could seem rather harsh on a few other members of the class, did as a matter of fact, hold some truth to his argument.

Throughout my whole life, and not just school life, I have always been considered as the kid who “persists”. The one who continues to put 100% into everything despite the hopelessness of his situation or his lack of skill in a particular field.

Whatever it is, I try and persist until I get there, and it was Mr Mitchell who backed this up for me once again.

It then later dawned on me, that perhaps Mr Mitchell himself, saw a piece of him inside of me, which reminded him of his childhood and who he was. Maybe that is why for so many years, he has regarded me so highly. Maybe its because he feels that he knows exactly who I am because he was quite similar to me when he was my age.

It also reminded me of this other time when a father of a kid I used to play soccer with, Arthur Sarris told me that “I would become a soccer superstar because for 2 things; 1. I never ever give up – he has seen me go through years of getting the shit bagged through me because of my lack of ability, and he saw me grow through all of that to become quite a decent player. Now that I have done that, the justification is that I could quite easily continue to grow in skill using that mindset of proving everyone wrong, persisting and showing the world what I’m capable of.

And the second point, 2. I play the game how it’s meant to be played – nice and simple – I do my job and I do it well without stepping out of line. He said if every player on one team was to be like me, then the real name of the game of soccer would come out – teamwork and intelligence, not just individual flair.

But in the end, what would you like to be better known as anyway?

One with a natural talent in a particular field? Or one with such a big heart that with some work can achieve anything they desire?

Just my view. From this very day now I am happy to be known as the kid with the big heart, regardless of little natural skill in any department. I’m happy to be me

As hopeless as it may seem living my life at times, the social introversion I possess (which still to this very day I am forcing myself out of), I know in the end as long as I keep a pure heart and a mind fixed 100% on my goal (whatever it be) as long as I really do want it, I will achieve whatever it is that lies in my path.

NOTE: This should've actually been posted yesterday, but my internet went a bit dodgy from too many downloads for the month, lol

I practice too much being the good guy and letting the girls get away from me be convincing myself that “they deserve better”.

Even myself to this very day right now have basically let go of someone that I really do have a genuine interest for her because I was concerned that I would wreck her social status, not the other way around. Pathetic isn’t it?

How can I have such a low opinion of myself which leads me to leave out everything I could ever have wanted in my life?

I suppose I must train myself to believe that I am worth more than what I may think I am. Modesty does not seem to get anyone anywhere, as a guy you got to be forceful with who you are to succeed.

There are people in this world who look up to me, and if I can help to keep them I will, and to do so I must make myself someone that I would admire. I must fix my own problems and just go and do whatever it is I like.

Nothing is more demoralising than watching someone with a goal in their reach but yet refusing to reach out and grab it.

Damn I’m not as intelligent as I thought, but that still doesn’t mean I should feel shit about myself.

I am doing my best to hold onto my idea, that everyone is equal… but I seem to always be adding on the line “but me”.

But this could work to my advantage, as long as I found a reason to call myself “better than the average” and it is only when I am to find this that I will make something out of myself in life.

I’ve gone far enough to have easily blown my nervousness around people to smithereens, and I have seen what I can accomplish when I bring out the larrikin inside of me… I’ve even achieved a few flicked smiles around from the feminine population which really improves my day J

But the key thing for me is, to really stop being an introvert, and become much more of an extrovert. By doing so I won’t keep to myself, and will be much more outgoing.

The more time spent talking and associating with others, the less time I have to think to myself and come up of other ways of why I am insufficient.

As I’ve said previously, greatness is in my grasp, life is just a mind game, don’t let it get the better of you because you don’t have anyone who’d want to waste their time by comforting you saying “you tried”.

Besides, who wants to spend their time with someone who has such pathetic thoughts as these. Girls especially, don’t want to spend time with someone who thinks the way I do, which is why I must stop being shy and shelled up inside of my brain, and just talk more to all people, throw away that feeling of “not belonging” and just do whatever it is I want to do. If I want to be a retard… I’ll be a retard, if some kids want to play footy but I want to play soccer… I’ll play soccer… etc, etc.

There are things that I am good at, and I need to hold onto those things and just make them better.
I’m generally a person that someone from all social groups could approach and I’d be happy to talk to them, comfort them, and just basically hang with them for a little while.

I might not be able to maintain a full blown conversation myself (unless the other person has very good social skills or just is my mum) but that’s obviously something I’ll have to work on

Any ideas come to mind people?

I am going to go and join the army.  EDIT: (or at least a few days ago I wanted to, but this is more of a move of self-training rather than "the army" for me anyway).

- No not the actual army, just going to go for the gap year – so I can get a quick push into reality of real life without my parents and some independence for myself – as well as some self confidence, which at most times, I can be lacking

There are many things I could do when I acquire this self confidence, as well as many things I could have done.

I am going to make sure I get this confidence as quick as possible to make sure I don’t miss out on any more of those once in a lifetime chances.

Because today is the start to another part of my life, the day I realise what is wrong with myself and actually seek to take corrective action.

No longer will the masses get the better of me.

No longer would a girl be ashamed to call me their boyfriend.

I will become the person I truly want to be and others will be able to stand and look at me with awe seeing how great of a person I have become.

Girls… well that’s another story, I try, but its time to try harder. But as long as my heart and mind is in the right place, I will get there.

This will be another chapter to my life, a much more brighter chapter where I take my chances, rather than decide to not run the risks of them.

I will come back to school after this is over, and see the people I want to impress and show them what I have become.

It is not over, your goal is still within your grasp.

Take it, while she’s still within reach...